Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ) is the name that has been given to the ability to recognize our emotions, as well as the emotions of others. The concept was first introduced in the 1990’s by Dr. John D. Mayer, with Daniel Goleman developing it further for the purpose of public knowledge.
While it seems relatively simple on the surface, it is slightly more complex than it sounds. Our emotions have the ability to rule our lives, and for many people, they do. This is not always a negative thing, but it can become problematic for those who experience negative emotions on a regular basis.
Reacting to situations based on the first emotion we feel can get us in to trouble, or at the very least leave us feeling guilty about something we said or did in the heat of the moment. Thankfully, we can learn to recognize and even resolve our emotions with a little work, and therefore determine how we will react before we make mistakes.
If you’re wondering what emotional intelligence looks like, some traits of a person with high EQ include:
Self-Regulation of Emotions
An emotionally intelligent person will tend to be more rational than someone with lower emotional intelligence. While many of us allow our emotions to rule us and subsequently find ourselves reacting in ways we regret later, an emotionally intelligent person does not have this trait.
This is because they are able to recognize their emotions as they arise, and therefore have the time and awareness to calculate how they will react before actually doing so. This reduces the risk of irrational and emotion-driven behavior, allowing a more logical, calm resolution to situations that may have otherwise gotten out of hand.
Self-Awareness
Being more self-aware when it comes to one’s emotions is a highly desirable trait for several reasons. Learning to identify an emotion such as frustration, anger or sadness is the first step to resolving the feeling, as recognizing the reason for the emotion provides clarity and allows logical thinking back into the picture.
Emotionally intelligent people are more realistic and confident in general, as being aware of one’s emotions brings a sense of peace and control. The worry or anxiety that may come along with being emotionally unaware is largely eliminated when a person can be confident that they will recognize, and therefore handle, their emotions successfully.
Ability to Recognize the Emotions of Others
Being emotionally intelligent can be helpful regarding others’ emotions as well as our own. When a person is in control of their own emotional state, it gives them the clarity needed to recognize the emotional states of those around them, as well.
This can be extremely helpful in heated or negative situations, as an emotionally intelligent person can essentially help others to recognize their own emotions, as well as determining which course of action to take for themselves. By helping the other person to recognize the cause, take the edge off the emotion and allow logical thinking to resume, a resolution can be found.
Empathy
Recognizing the emotions of others ties in with empathy, a skill that many people could use more of. While understanding the way another person is feeling is one trait of empathy, it goes further than that. Empathic individuals are able to actually feel the way others are feeling, and even change their own emotions to match those of others.
This can be either positive or negative, depending on how self-aware the empathic person is and what the surrounding emotional state is like. However, being emotionally intelligent and empathic can serve to help the empathic person, as being more self-aware is a great way to be sure not to take on any emotions that don’t feel right or that might cause further upset.
The good news is, anyone can learn to be more emotionally intelligent. Here are a few first steps to take to start improving your EQ:
Identify
The first step in becoming emotionally intelligent is to learn to identify the current emotion. Is it joy or excitement, frustration, or anger? There can be similarities between emotions, but a little digging can determine which one a person is actually feeling.
Giving the emotion a name and taking a moment to think about it is the first step to emotional regulation, and a good start to becoming more emotionally intelligent.
Regulate
After the emotion has been identified, it is then possible to begin emotional regulation. There are many ways to do this, depending on what works for the person specifically.
Deep breathing, journaling, finding mental health support, and having self-compassion are just a few of the ways a person can learn emotional self-regulation, but there are many more helpful ways available.
Practice
As with any new skill, practice makes perfect. With emotional intelligence the opportunities for practice can be sporadic, as a person never knows what emotion will arise at any given time.
However, the self-awareness aspect of emotional intelligence will kick in when a person intentionally identifies any emotion they may be feeling, and then takes the necessary steps to regulate it. This can happen multiple times a day depending on the individual situation, but the more practice a person gets the better they learn.
Conclusion
Emotional intelligence is a trait that is not only helpful for navigating daily life, but a step towards optimal mental health. While of course there are mental health issues beyond the lack of emotional intelligence, getting a handle on one’s emotions and learning to recognize the emotions of others can be beneficial in many ways.
More people possessing awareness of their emotions may very well lead to less conflict in the world, which is of course beneficial to everyone. Considering the fact that a little practice and awareness can get a person well on their way to higher emotional intelligence, it can’t hurt to try.
Doing something positive for ourselves is a great step to achieving mental and emotional wellness and learning to be more emotionally intelligent is a great place to start!